Things start splitting at the seams and now...

There is an epic song by Band of Horses that I just keep playing over and over. It is titled "No One's Gonna Love You". The first part of the song goes like this...

It's looking like a limb torn off, 
Or altogether just taken apart
We're reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was
But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

When I hear this song. I hear it being a call to love, relationship, marriage, and the fight for "once was". For me, when I'm in a fight with my wife I can forget "Truth". I forget that she loves me and that I really belong. I find that it is like this old script that takes over saying that "I don't belong" and / or that "I will be forgotten". It is because of these false truths that I then find myself trying to fight for me instead of fighting for us. I make it about her instead of making it about the disconnection. In my sanity, I see that its the disconnection that is the problem not her. 

The challenge is that it is so much easier to pick a fight with her because she is right there. This abstract idea of disconnection is just kinda of out there. How does one even fight that? The same is true with our heart. I find myself throwing the word "heart" around but its so intangible and allusive. In the moment of a fight I'm scared period. I'm scared that what I want is not important. It is like I'm back to being a boy again that is being too needy and being a baby. Then when I'm feeling like that, I certainly don't want to feel needy. To be needy and vulnerably is weak and bad. Or is it? 

What if that is the place where I'm most me in the rawest form? What I mean is what if that is the place where I am most human. When I see my three year old son crying and needy I see a boy that just longs to be held. This is still true for me too. I am made for that, we all are. I heard it said today that our fear is not made to be fixed it is made to be soothed. That was great news to me.

In some way, heart and connection is the intersection of our soul with God. I believe and have found that when I am connected emotionally with another I feel closest to God as well. That is the beauty of communion.

For the full song ( Click Here )