In marriage, it is so easy to get disconnected and for it to stay that way. It is as if we forgot what it was like when we were first dating or in love with our spouse. It is a tragedy when you think about it. Somehow, we have accepted the lie that "being madly in love" is normal for a season but is not obtainable once marriage and life collide. I had bought into this lie.
The other tragedy is to know that you are disconnected but not be able to do anything about it. We can try and try and try to reconnect but it seems like it makes it worse. One of the best descriptions of what this is like is from Trent Dabb's song "Inside These Lines". Part of the song goes like this...
Who is the one I see across the table
Eyes that always seem so familiar
We sit alone so comfortably in the silence
If I touch you would you be surprised
Did we drift out closer to a compromise
Oh have we lost what we had inside these, inside these lines
How could we watch it stay the same, all this time and just be fine
It's okay to see where we are, where we should be
But are we gonna find ourselves insides these lines, inside these lines
Here is the link to his video (click here)
And this is where my work comes in to play. I have experienced it first hand in my own marriage through counseling and can testify that it works. But only through hard work which must leave the comfortable, safe place of the couch. Connection is vital to relationship and I believe it can be reestablished through the work of Emotional Focused Therapy. Sounds boring and hard? Yes, sometimes it is. But when you stick with it, it works. We are living proof.