I am me: Stage 9 of our Journey

'“I am me” is the final stage of one’s journey and the culmination of coming to Self. Up until now, so much of life up was spent looking to something. Now, it is the realization of one’s truer Self. Whereby, there is no looking to, no achievement or performing to something, rather it is coming into something…you. I recently heard Rabbi Rami Shapiro share at a retreat that it is “when you quit playing God, you can then be God. God is all of you but you are not all of God”. At this stage, we shift to an “I'“ ing (for me a James’ing) which means “a happening” on a much deeper level of consciousness. We are able to hold space for moments where “there is no knower, no known, and no knowing…whereby not knowing is most intimate” as my teacher Gordon Peerman will say.

One is living with their smaller’s self and beyond. It is in this stage that one is fully living out who he or she was always meant to be. It is living out and displaying one’s present awareness. At this stage, one is at peace with who he or she is, by which, one is at peace with people both past and present. One has the ability to live out “everything is as it should be”. And is free to accept people as they are without expectations that they should be any other way. Even when one encounter’s another person’s behavior as troubling, being present in this stage, provides the ability to fully let it go and accept them “as they are”. This doesn’t mean one becomes a pacifist. Rather, one knows what is and isn’t theirs to own. One’s ego (power and control) has taken a secondary position. Thereby, a person actualized in this stage is able to live out of the egoless Self. It is here we fully realize the fruits of our suffering. The beauty of the suffering is that it caused our “salvation project” to fail us, as Thomas Merton would say. Resulting in no longer being controlled by power. Anything prior to experiencing this harsh blessing, we were controlled (i.e. possessed by power). Thereby, never being able to live in the deeper state of Self.

As I have reflected on this stage, I have to confess that I know I have not entered into this stage myself. Often, I think it is reserved for those who I have lived a lot of life. That being said, there are moments where I believe we have glimpses of being in this stage. It is that feeling where we are alive to ourself where time seems to stand still, like a “Wrinkle in Time”. The best way I can describe it is that there is this edge past our current emotional state where we feel completely enveloped by another presence. It is like we are sitting in the drivers sit of a self autonomous car. We are sitting there with our hands on the steering wheel but something else is actually in control. Can you image what it would be like to be in this stage most of your daily life? Humanly speaking, I don’t believe anybody lives in this stage 100% of the time but there are some who primarily live from this core state. I have known and experienced only a handful of people at this stage. I believe this is a small group of people in the world. They come from all different faiths, cultures, and backgrounds but have a shared path of experience that has brought them to this place. You know when you have encountered someone who has fully evolved. There is something very peaceful about them and it is felt by others around them. These people truly are modern day saints. And there is one common denominator with these few individuals…Suffering. And they have come to peace with their suffering and resolved their deepest wounds. In fact, they speak of their wounds with gratitude.

So what does this all really mean? I believe our purpose is to live by “surrendering to our capacity that we already have” as the Buddha would say. And coming to ourself, is the fruit of all our sufferings and trials. From which, we come to a place of peace. Those in recovery call it serenity. We are able to sit or sink down into a higher state of consciousness whereby we no longer view life from a black and white (linear) perspective and instead view life from a non-linear lens. Gordon Peerman goes on to say from the earlier reference, “There is a “knowing” that is always there. The thing is do we trust it? You can’t make it happen, but rather to see that there are moments that a different “you” knows. This means having the ability to not only see but live with the fact that “everything is as it should be.” William James more eloquently wrote, “Our lives are like islands in the sea, or like trees in the forest, which co-mingle their roots in the darkness underground. Just so, there is a continuum of cosmic consciousness, against which our individuality builds accidental fences, and into which our several minds plunge as into a mother sea or reservoir.” It is not only a place of totally connectedness of all things but an acceptance of all things and the ability to actually have peace with events, people, and life. It allows for a deeper more peaceful perspective all the while still having chaotic events and circumstances taking place all around. It is the ability to live with both / and.

Another way to say it…“Vocation, even in the most humble of circumstances, is a summons to what is divine. Perhaps it is the divinity in us that wishes to be in accord with a larger divinity. Ultimately, our vocation is to become ourselves, in the thousand, thousand variants we are. . . . As all of the great world religions have long recognized, becoming ourselves actually requires repeated submissions of the ego.” - James Hollis

“I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for

may for once spring clear
without my contriving.

If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,

streaming through widening channels
into the open sea.”

by Rainer Maria Rilke / Translated by Joanna Macy