If you are like me, I am so prone to only wanting pleasantries in relationships. My default is to take the positive but shy away, defend, or run from the negative aspects of relationship. The problem with this style is that its really not a dynamic relationship. It is a relationship but it is impaired. It is not fluid and clean. The goal for any relationship is that we can go to those closest to us in both positive and negative ways where they are not only impacted by us but can help filter and embrace us in our pain. Thereby helping sooth our pain. We need this type of relationship and it is when we can't have this that the relationship really starts to suffer.
The truth is that we impact each other in relationship. There is always going to be some positive and negative mixed in. It is just the nature of it. We are made to be impacted by each other so that we can respond not react. The challenge for so many of us is that if our story was one of reacting to our emotions not responding then it is impossible not to continue on in that same pattern. This is where we need our own healing. All of us need to be responded to but not reacted to. A safe relationship is one where you can "be you" responding to your true self not your false self and vise versa.
I have found that one of the best groups and resources is found in the Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) communities.