Today, I was driving home listening to a beautiful and stirring song by Ryan Adams. The song is titled, "I Love You But I Don't Know What To Say". I connected to the truth of the song especially the title. Just this very morning, I was sitting next to my wife listening to her share her heart and I thought to myself that words cannot do justice to the beauty of the moment and to the beauty of her. It is one of those moments when silence is so much better. Sometimes words don't have to be said and connection can still be made.
It seems like so much of the cultures mindset is that we have to bargain in marriage. What if we don't? What if relationship is so much more than win/lose or lose/win. I think on a high level some of that is necessary but deep down it is so much more. I certainly have experienced it. The crazy thing is that love is paradoxical. What I mean by this, is that a place (a connection) exists, where it doesn't matter whether I'm the one giving or receiving because its all the same. The connection (i.e. love) takes over and the one serving ends up receiving something unforeseen and vice versa. The paradox is that either way both partners win. This unforeseen grace comes in all sorts of forms but the heart of it is that the connection stays strong with the other. That is the gift. I have experienced this and definitely want more of it. I believe this is what we were created to have and experience.
So, here is the hard and confusing part...it takes each of us risking and showing our feelings of fear (like the fear of being abandoned and rejected) while not knowing how the other will respond. It is this soft childlike fear that is so hard to show: the fear of reaching and not knowing if we will be held. Yet the only way to know is to reach and therefore, risk it all.
Here is the link to Ryan Adams song and video