Guard Rails of Relationship

Relationships are such a wonderful, mysterious, and risky dance.  Healthy relationships absolutely require the sense of safety and security. This breeds authenticity. It requires a lot of courage and vulnerability to ask for help. I have seen and experienced two ways when seeking help from another person. One way is through correction / confrontation with the intent of speaking "truth". The other way is through compassion which breeds connection.

The first way is very prevalent in our society. It is the way of advice giving that is often masked by judgement and "shoulds". Many people default to this route because it is all they know. It ends up being a relationship based on power and authority. It inevitability puts our performance above our being. The focus is put on our actions instead of us. The giver of advice ends up being in a position as if they know what is best for you. It throws being "with us" out the door. Correction is put ahead of connection.

The other way is of a gentle path. The path to healthy relationships is compassion not correction, connection not confrontation. The truth is that we will naturally be confronted by truth because it is already in us. It does not take someone else "speaking into". Instead, we come "out of" when we feel a sense of safety with connection. It is vulnerability over power, empathy over judgement, connection over correction.  

There is a time and place for advice but it is secondary to our being with another person. The guard rails to healthy relationships are compassion and connection which end up being soft, soothing, and secure. Let mercy lead!